Woman excluded from stepdaughter’s Thanksgiving at her big new house, decides to host her own holiday dinner for her kids instead of attending the main family gathering: ‘It was very obvious she didn't really like that I was there’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Nov 13, 2025 4:00 PM EST

After over three decades of step-family blending, this woman is once again left watching the invites roll out to her husband's kids, while her own children get left off the list by the stepdaughter with the big house and short memory.

This woman's holiday season looks like a rerun: every Thanksgiving, "forgotten" invitations seem to skip one whole branch of the family tree. The apologies are polite, the explanations thin, and nobody actually fixes the gap, no matter how many reminders get sent.

Her husband tries to play peacemaker, texting his daughter just to keep the peace, but somehow the basic act of including everyone is a bridge too far. Blending families for thirty-six years apparently comes with conditions: sometimes you're in, sometimes you're just not their kind of holiday people. The result is always too many conversations starting with "maybe next year" and too much hoping someone will suddenly get the hint.

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  • AITAH if I didn't go to my step kids Thanksgiving and planned my own for my own kids?

    Frustrated Middle-aged Woman, behind her, an image of a Thanksgiving Dinner Table Setting with Holiday Feast
    via @imgenes-de-andres-barrionuevo-lopez/TrueCreatives

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My husband and I have been married for 34 years and together for 36. He has five kids and I have four.
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  • When we got together, his oldest was about 13 and his youngest was 7. My oldest was 11 and my youngest was 6.
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  • All the kids get along fairly well, although it's a bit different since the kids are now all adults.
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  • My husband and I used to always host Christmas and Thanksgiving at our place and we would invite all of the kids/spouses and their kids.
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  • It started to make for a really large group when they all got together and our 1700 square foot house and got pretty crowded.
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  • Thanksgiving Dinner Table Setting with Holiday Feast
    via Truecreatives

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When one of my husband's daughters bought a very large home, she started offering to host the holidays at her place which was great.
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  • The only problem though is that she rarely would invite my kids. I asked her the first couple of times if it was ok if they came and she apologized profusely and said she meant to include them (she has my kids phone numbers), but just "forgot".
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  • This year (at least the third time she's "forgot") she once again sent out an invite, but only to her siblings, my husband and I.
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  • (I should include here that for the longest time at family get togethers, she would often ignore me.
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  • It was very obvious by the way she acted, that she didn't really like that I was there.
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  • Frustrated Middle-aged Woman
    via @imgenes-de-andres-barrionuevo-lopez

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She's kind of like my husband in that, if she likes you, she'll talk to you, but if she doesn't, you get ignored).
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  • It really hurt. My husband and I weren't allowed to ever watch her kids. After she divorced her husband, she sort of apologized and has been trying to do more to make me feel a part of everything.
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  • However, here we are again, the holiday family get together and a lack of invite extended to my kids.
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  • I told my husband if she doesn't want to invite my kids, I'll just go and do something else with them on that same day that he and his kids have their dinner.
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  • (We don't usually celebrate the actual holiday on the actual day). I'm really tired of trying to feel a part of her life and although she included me in the invite, I feel like since she didn't invite my kids, she is still trying to exclude me and my family, all of whom she pretty much grew up with.
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  • My husband told me to just text his daughter to find out if it's ok that my kids come.
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  • I don't feel like I should have to do that AGAIN at this point.I told him HE could always bring it up with his daughter, though it isn't likely he will do that.
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  • So would I be the AH if I didn't go and planned a separate dinner with just my kids?
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  • Any advice would be appreciated.
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  • This WeekInTheRegency So your husband is okay with his daughter excluding the children he raised? Apple didn't fall far from the tree. Go and have a great day with your kids, and require your husband to tell his daughter why you're not there. (I suspect she won't care, but it's worth saying.) The problem I would have with this is that the man who helped raise my children doesn't care enough about them to want to spend holidays with them. That's a different and more serious problem to me. NTA
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  • NTA PsiBlaze She's passive aggressive as heck. Stop going. Enjoy your kids. He can enjoy his. You should not have to ask her to include your kids. She knows who they are, and how to reach them. She's actively choosing not to invite them.
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  • kmflushing NTA, since they're all doing to her house, there is now room in your home to host your kids and their families. Do it.
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  • drowning_in_cats You don't have a step-daughter problem, you have a husband problem.
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  • seagull321 "Just text my daughter." "Hubs, what gives you reason to think this year will be different from the last two. You talk to your daughter and end this disrespect."
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  • OkCricket7833 Why isn't your husband addressing his daughter's terrible behavior? You are not the AH. You all have been together long enough for this type of attitude to still be an issue. I am sorry your kids are being isolated by her.
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  • Drunkendonkeytail Give up. The family didn't blend. She includes you, so that's something. Instead of feeling hurt on behalf of your children, have you asked them what they think and feel? No lying, no pretending, just telling them the truth, all of it, and hearing what they say. It's quite possible they don't feel you all blended either.
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  • MyFriendsCallMeEpic >My husband told me to just text his daughter to find out if it's ok that my kids come. such a cop out there is litterally a saying for this. Your actions speak louder than your words have you ever taken a moment to even realise how often something has to be said or done for it to be a saying? She has spoken, its time for you to listen which youre doing, its time for you husband to either shut up or do something about it. NTA
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  • Exotic-Rooster4427 Simple...just have a family dinner with your children at your home next year and rotate around your children. Don't do anything for this daughter. Don't babysit or provide your energy or support
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  • jrm1102 Your husband really should just talk to her. No, she doesnt have to include them but if theyre invited she actually should invite them. Id just, have him talk this out with her before you make any decisions
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  • This time, patience runs out. Instead of leaving her own kids to wait around for another last-minute pity invite, she plans a separate dinner. No hint of a grand exit, just a quiet shift to spending time where people actually show up by choice. The new plan needs more work, but at least the only mix-up this Thanksgiving will be over who brings the dessert.

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family drama inheritance brother thanksgiving mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism sister fiancé grandmother Father
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